tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
