So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
