And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
