"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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