I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
