Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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