So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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