can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
