You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
