like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
