she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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