Texts From Last Night

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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  He was trying to put me in handcuffs.

  (1-662): View more from Mississippi

  You have my attention.

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  (662): I scissor kicked a one legged man last night. (662): He was trying to put me in handcuffs. (1-662): You have my attention. http://tfl.nu/abr0
  Replies (25) Good night (1900) Bad night (580)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.

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  (608): You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have. http://tfl.nu/o937
  Replies (4) Good night (797) Bad night (2196)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.

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  (206): I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese. http://tfl.nu/0pie
  Replies (13) Good night (4101) Bad night (846)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?

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  (512): So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!? http://tfl.nu/rmce
  Replies (31) Good night (3035) Bad night (1364)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.

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  (651): you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career. http://tfl.nu/bzxx
  Replies (15) Good night (864) Bad night (3453)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.

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  (304): yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe. http://tfl.nu/4q4f
  Replies (13) Good night (5989) Bad night (888)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.

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  (313): Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ. http://tfl.nu/xfic
  Replies (14) Good night (6494) Bad night (1231)
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  (212): View more from New York

  He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall

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  (212): He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall http://tfl.nu/usfu
  Replies (4) Good night (4025) Bad night (1379)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.

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  (239): He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes. http://tfl.nu/tunx
  Replies (5) Good night (829) Bad night (2904)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?

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  (205): remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea? http://tfl.nu/cz0w
  Replies (3) Good night (1595) Bad night (872)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.

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  (202): There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again. http://tfl.nu/5erg
  Replies (18) Good night (2657) Bad night (633)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.

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  (412): You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you. http://tfl.nu/l1dm
  Replies (7) Good night (692) Bad night (1075)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.

  (1-607): View more from New York

  Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.

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  (607): I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid. (1-607): Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late. http://tfl.nu/e8gd
  Replies (8) Good night (1891) Bad night (690)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet

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  (727): And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet http://tfl.nu/ztj3
  Replies (4) Good night (384) Bad night (639)
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.

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  (807): We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely. http://tfl.nu/t6rq
  Replies (2) Good night (314) Bad night (965)

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