Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
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When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
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He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.