Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.

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  (604): a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point? (604): unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going. http://tfl.nu/jiid
  Replies (15) Good night (811) Bad night (2077)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself

  (207): View more from Maine

  OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...

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  (207): There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself (207): OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE (781): Sounds like a good blink 182 concert... http://tfl.nu/nai8
  Replies (27) Good night (924) Bad night (3856)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?

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  (215): How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers? http://tfl.nu/g3e9
  Replies (44) Good night (7122) Bad night (1141)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits

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  (615): of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits http://tfl.nu/a8zr
  Replies (29) Good night (1605) Bad night (7628)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby

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  (404): Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby http://tfl.nu/eqgg
  Replies (25) Good night (3068) Bad night (6704)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  did i walk over a car last night?

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  (+61): did i walk over a car last night? http://tfl.nu/hd3i
  Replies (4) Good night (2002) Bad night (644)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.

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  (914): Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen. http://tfl.nu/bjsq
  Replies (12) Good night (3061) Bad night (903)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."

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  (864): You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor." http://tfl.nu/jk5x
  Replies (9) Good night (3231) Bad night (665)
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'

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  (361): I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh' http://tfl.nu/gd1h
  Replies (4) Good night (580) Bad night (1285)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.

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  (515): I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me. http://tfl.nu/axuf
  Replies (10) Good night (381) Bad night (1331)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)

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  (972): Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :) http://tfl.nu/7aie
  Replies (1) Good night (724) Bad night (282)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.

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  (410): Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you. http://tfl.nu/34nw
  Replies (3) Good night (451) Bad night (305)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend

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  (203): Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend http://tfl.nu/dbv2
  Replies (1) Good night (563) Bad night (299)
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I wanted to have tiny guns for tits

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  (506): I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers (506): I wanted to have tiny guns for tits http://tfl.nu/ic3h
  Replies (0) Good night (493) Bad night (205)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around

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  (901): I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around http://tfl.nu/mpwe
  Replies (0) Good night (619) Bad night (188)

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