Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask

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  (202): Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask http://tfl.nu/68m0
  Replies (8) Good night (1706) Bad night (567)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Whoa Z and x make the same sound

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  (717): Whoa Z and x make the same sound http://tfl.nu/syb7
  Replies (30) Good night (3608) Bad night (809)
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  (619): View more from California

  If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.

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  (619): If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library. http://tfl.nu/gs64
  Replies (59) Good night (1133) Bad night (3831)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.

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  (401): The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster. http://tfl.nu/0ncd
  Replies (16) Good night (1205) Bad night (5062)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"

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  (630): he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something" http://tfl.nu/3v6x
  Replies (11) Good night (4803) Bad night (930)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.

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  (321): When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me. http://tfl.nu/jzk3
  Replies (33) Good night (10639) Bad night (1125)
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  (818): View more from California

  I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.

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  (818): I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me. http://tfl.nu/gx3h
  Replies (4) Good night (1095) Bad night (2233)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.

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  (503): He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out. http://tfl.nu/qidl
  Replies (6) Good night (3163) Bad night (1031)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.

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  (518): You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused. http://tfl.nu/8r68
  Replies (2) Good night (3909) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards

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  (347): When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards http://tfl.nu/auk4
  Replies (10) Good night (1553) Bad night (837)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.

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  (604): I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag. http://tfl.nu/nwen
  Replies (28) Good night (3188) Bad night (755)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  I think we should measure in "bathtubs"

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  (248): I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery. (1-248): I think we should measure in "bathtubs" http://tfl.nu/kzc7
  Replies (3) Good night (1476) Bad night (556)
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  (595): View more from

  In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.

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  (595): In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today. http://tfl.nu/kbdd
  Replies (8) Good night (1114) Bad night (421)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART

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  (908): HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART http://tfl.nu/i6nd
  Replies (5) Good night (1167) Bad night (444)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported

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  (412): I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported http://tfl.nu/r23v
  Replies (8) Good night (858) Bad night (479)

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