I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
