Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
