I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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