I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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