Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
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Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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