yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
