Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
