how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
