Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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