I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
