Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
