I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
