I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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