I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
