I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
