Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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