Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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