Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
