we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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