I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
