so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
