she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
