Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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