And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat