i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city