Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
