im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
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she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
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I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
this hospital has no fireball
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
my liver is dry heaving
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back