she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
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As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
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Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.