Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Randomize
