Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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