Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
