why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
