the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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