Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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