So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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