I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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