I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
