so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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