$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
