No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
