watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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