just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
MIDGETS
????
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
