white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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