Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
