So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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