i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
