saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
