His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
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I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
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I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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