So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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