home. puking in laundry basket.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
