hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
