can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
