yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
