life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
