I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
