Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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