That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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