life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
