im so drunk with asians
where?
always
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
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Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
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And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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