It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize