how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
