Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
