My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
