You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Someone stole a lamp last night.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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