Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
