omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I look better un-naked...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
