Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
