it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
